Bittersweet
by Katsuko1978
Summary: It was like losing a limb, as twisted as that may sound. Post-First Class, alternate universe, ties in with "Genetics." Written for hc bingo.


**Disclaimer:** X-Men et al©Marvel**  
>Warnings:<strong> alternate universe, hurt/comfort, family  
><strong>Notes:<strong> Written for hc_bingo Round 2 on Dreamwidth, the prompt being "sensory deprivation." Also, ties in vaguely with my previous fic **Genetics**.

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><p>It was like losing a limb.<p>

There was really no other way to explain what he was feeling right now, other than those six simple (not simple, never simple, wrong, wrong, _wrong_) words that he couldn't bring himself to speak. And not only because of the macabre fact that, to be frank, he _had_ technically lost a limb. Two limbs, if one wanted to be picky.

The fact remained, however, that that was exactly how it felt to _not_ feel Erik's presence any longer.

For some two, three, four months, from the moment Charles dove into freezing water and at the same time into the other man's mind, Erik had always been no more than a thought away. There was an easy camaraderie between them, more than just two men with a similar-yet-different genetic quirk yet not quite the basis for some groovy love story like the kind Raven obsessed over.

Whatever it was, Charles had grown used to it. He had come to expect to awaken in the morning and reach out mentally and find all of his people – Erik and Raven and Moira and Alex and Sean and Hank – close by either preparing for the day or trying to shake off the last vestiges of slumber. It was comfortable, it was comforting, and he had truly hoped that once his dear friend had slain the demon of his past that they could face the future together.

But that wasn't what had happened.

What had happened was that Erik and Raven had chosen to follow a path that he could not, would not, choose to walk with then, and that he'd had to take away all of Moira's memories of them in order to prevent the government from using her against them in the future that now didn't look nearly as bright.

Yes, he still had Alex and Sean and Hank by his side, but they weren't Raven. They weren't Erik.

It was like losing three limbs instead of just his legs, and there would forever be an empty, broken spot where his sister and his dearly beloved Erik had once been.

But still... there was hope.

They had found more children, more young mutants who had thought they were alone:

Six-year-old Ororo from West Africa, who could control the weather, worshipped as a goddess in her village but terrified of enclosed spaces and her own abilities.

Alex's younger brother Scott, all of fourteen years old by the time 1970 rolled around and finally able to open his eyes thanks to Hank's efforts after spending the past six years walking around in darkness.

Seventeen-year-old Lorna, who arrived at the school in 1968, whose powers reminded Charles bitter-sweetly of Erik's abilities – and the sweetest person to ever accidentally break a compass.

Twelve-year-old Jean, so very young yet already capable of moving objects five times her weight with a single thought but still unable to keep from projecting her thoughts and fears to those around her.

Three-year-old Kurt, found one morning on the doorstep with a note stating his name and asking that Charles take care of him; the note was in Raven's handwriting, the delightful little boy was covered in downy blue fuzz, and he always seemed to be accidentally teleporting everywhere in the house.

Loki, who wasn't human but still a mutant, so much older than the sixteen he appeared to be yet just as impetuous as the teenagers, able to take on any form he so chose and utterly enamored with Kurt; he took it upon himself to look after the toddler and was one of the few able to keep up with him.

Charles loved them all, each of these children who were becoming a part of him in ways he'd never hoped possible. They were all his family, Alex and Scott and Hank and Sean and Lorna and Jean and Ororo and Loki and most definitely Kurt, and he would always, _always_, take care of them.

Even so, there would always be a void where Erik had once been, and a part of Charles cherished it because it was all that he had left of the friend he still loved.


End file.
